Stop spending time on things you can’t control.
Last week, Shankar Vedantam, host of Hidden Brain, delivered the opening keynote at ICF Converge in Washington, D.C.
He referenced the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, whose teachings on what we can and cannot control really resonated with me.
Epictetus famously wrote:
“Some things are in our control and others not.”
He distinguished between:
What we CAN control: Our judgments, choices, intentions, and how we respond.
What we CANNOT control: Other people's behaviors, their opinions of us, external events, and many outcomes.
Shankar reinforced this with two powerful observations:
“We can control our reactions to the world.” AND, ball drop…. “We spend more time on things we can't control.”
That really hit me!
Think about the time, energy, and mental space we could reclaim by focusing on what we CAN control.
I see this tension regularly in my Executive Coaching work.
Leaders can't control every outcome, how others behave, or how their decisions will be received.
But they CAN control how they show up.
They can pause rather than react. Choose curiosity over judgment. Communicate clear expectations. Empower others rather than manage every decision.
This is emotional intelligence in action.
And here's the bigger opportunity: When leaders redirect their energy away from trying to control everything, they create space for more strategic thinking, stronger relationships, and greater team ownership.
Letting go of control isn't giving up leadership. It's making a more intentional choice about where to invest our energy.
A coaching question to consider:
What are you spending time and energy trying to control that you could let go of, and what possibilities might that open up?
